Prolonged ejaculation

[atmlover9]

I'm a 23 year old male, started having sex a few months ago, first with my girlfriend and now with service ladies in Thailand. I was able to finish with my girlfriend most times, but it always required me to pull out and jerk myself off. Now in Thailand I decided to visit 2 fiwfans girls and one massage parlor. I was only able to finish once and it tooked a long time. The fiwfans girls I wasn't that attracted to, but the massage girl was really pretty, she sucked my dick and jerked me off for 40 minutes and yet I wasn't able to cum. One possible explnation I found online is the death grip syndrome. I decided to stop jerking off and also measure my testosterone levels, but is there anything else I can do?

[itsme]

3 hours ago, atmlover9 said:

I'm a 23 year old male, started having sex a few months ago, first with my girlfriend and now with service ladies in Thailand. I was able to finish with my girlfriend most times, but it always required me to pull out and jerk myself off. Now in Thailand I decided to visit 2 fiwfans girls and one massage parlor. I was only able to finish once and it tooked a long time. The fiwfans girls I wasn't that attracted to, but the massage girl was really pretty, she sucked my dick and jerked me off for 40 minutes and yet I wasn't able to cum. One possible explnation I found online is the death grip syndrome. I decided to stop jerking off and also measure my testosterone levels, but is there anything else I can do?

Classic death grip/porn dick

There's no need to stop masturbating altogether, but only do it when you genuinely feel the urge, not just because you're bored or sad or whatever. Most importantly lay off the porn. Porn is so overstimulating that when you're accustomed to it it can make finishing with a partner impossible. No woman can provide the variety and level of stimulation that watching 20 porn clips while you jerk off with a grip that's perfectly tuned to you can.

The likelihood that you have low T at 23 is extremely low. Unless you have some serious symptoms getting that tested is probably a waste of your time.

I might get some pushback on this one on the forum but you're 23 and you've had a girlfriend so you're probably not totally inept with girls. Go chase some legitimate ones. You can definitely get laid in Bangkok without paying for it. You'll find you'll have a better time with someone you've actually worked for and made a connection with.  

Edited January 14 by itsme

[ricktoronto]

Less porn and more humans and there's zero chance it's testosterone, you are right on all counts.

[atmlover9]

Thanks, good to know its not the test. The ironic thing is that I haven't been watching that much porn, at least for the week since I came here. Before that I used to watch a camgirl before bed everyday, i guess thats just as bad as porn. I want to try picking up girls for free, but I thought going to an escort would help resolve some of the performance issues. Gf used to get irritated, I don't want to the same expierience with women here.

 

P.S. when she touched the tip of my dick with her tongue, it felt painful for me, to the point where I had to ask her to stop. is that normal?

[itsme]

35 minutes ago, atmlover9 said:

Thanks, good to know its not the test. The ironic thing is that I haven't been watching that much porn, at least for the week since I came here. Before that I used to watch a camgirl before bed everyday, i guess thats just as bad as porn. I want to try picking up girls for free, but I thought going to an escort would help resolve some of the performance issues. Gf used to get irritated, I don't want to the same expierience with women here.

 

P.S. when she touched the tip of my dick with her tongue, it felt painful for me, to the point where I had to ask her to stop. is that normal?

Getting past porn dick/death grip is a process (one I'm familiar with) and it'll take more than a week. There are a couple exercises you might try that I've found to be useful. First, when masturbating change up your technique, we all have an "old reliable" that we use all the time. Avoid that. Second, again when masturbating, try to concentrate on and "get in touch" with the sensations down there rather than conjuring up some fantasy in your head. Being more aware of yourself will make you better with a partner too.

Now you've had some issues so you'll probably be in your head about it and that might cause you trouble. If you are going to keep going the P4P route then find a Thaifriendly freelancer or go to one of the fuck shop "massage" places (not one that pretends to be a legitimate massage shop) and book a longer session (at least an hour, 90 minutes even better). Tell them you want to go slow and having the time to do so will take some of the pressure off. Don't be in a rush, get to know the girl a little and enjoy her company. A lot of this will depend on the particular girl, but laying out what you want in advance and having a good session will go a long way toward pressing the reset button for you. I don't recommend a fiwfans/sideline girl for this. I'm sure there are good, chill ones out there, but on average they tend to be a lot more businesslike and want you to get off and get out as fast as possible. That's not what you want.

You are quite new to sex and have a lot to learn. It's always best to relax and enjoy the whole experience rather than just chasing the nut.

It's pretty normal to have some pain when she's licking the tip of your dick. We all have different sensitivity levels and that part can be extremely sensitive, especially if you have an intact foreskin. Also the tongue is a very powerful muscle and can even be abrasive. Some girls use it too agressively without realizing it. Just ask her to back off or do something different. 

[atmlover9]

On 1/14/2025 at 6:17 PM, itsme said:

Getting past porn dick/death grip is a process (one I'm familiar with) and it'll take more than a week. There are a couple exercises you might try that I've found to be useful. First, when masturbating change up your technique, we all have an "old reliable" that we use all the time. Avoid that. Second, again when masturbating, try to concentrate on and "get in touch" with the sensations down there rather than conjuring up some fantasy in your head. Being more aware of yourself will make you better with a partner too.

Now you've had some issues so you'll probably be in your head about it and that might cause you trouble. If you are going to keep going the P4P route then find a Thaifriendly freelancer or go to one of the fuck shop "massage" places (not one that pretends to be a legitimate massage shop) and book a longer session (at least an hour, 90 minutes even better). Tell them you want to go slow and having the time to do so will take some of the pressure off. Don't be in a rush, get to know the girl a little and enjoy her company. A lot of this will depend on the particular girl, but laying out what you want in advance and having a good session will go a long way toward pressing the reset button for you. I don't recommend a fiwfans/sideline girl for this. I'm sure there are good, chill ones out there, but on average they tend to be a lot more businesslike and want you to get off and get out as fast as possible. That's not what you want.

You are quite new to sex and have a lot to learn. It's always best to relax and enjoy the whole experience rather than just chasing the nut.

It's pretty normal to have some pain when she's licking the tip of your dick. We all have different sensitivity levels and that part can be extremely sensitive, especially if you have an intact foreskin. Also the tongue is a very powerful muscle and can even be abrasive. Some girls use it too agressively without realizing it. Just ask her to back off or do something different. 

Makes sense, I'll go to a massage store next time for a 90 minute full service. I already found some decent offers. In your experience, does death grip tend to last for multiple weeks/months? I might abstain for a while, if there is little chance of it improving...

[itsme]

6 hours ago, atmlover9 said:

Makes sense, I'll go to a massage store next time for a 90 minute full service. I already found some decent offers. In your experience, does death grip tend to last for multiple weeks/months? I might abstain for a while, if there is little chance of it improving...

If you are having good success masturbating without external stimulus the I would go for it following the advice I gave above. It's a process, not an on/off switch. You're going to have to feel it out as you go. 

[dundu]

I have the opposite problem. When I am with a girl who knows what she is doing I don't last very long. But I want to last forever.
While I am with girls, who are mechanical, it is impossible to finish. But I want to get done it done quickly.

[n10556]

Also to throw into this conversation. it sounds like you're very new to sex. 

I had the same issue, and for me personally it was all mostly mental, yes death grip is definetly a thing. But going from a gf to a sex worker mentally is also different. 

As messed as this sounds, you sort of have to treat the sex worker as a flesh light and mentally imagine you're using a pocket pussy. Atleast thats what got me over the hump years and years ago. Now it just feels natural? 

[uglylonelyloser]

On 1/22/2025 at 9:59 PM, n10556 said:

Also to throw into this conversation. it sounds like you're very new to sex. 

I had the same issue, and for me personally it was all mostly mental, yes death grip is definetly a thing. But going from a gf to a sex worker mentally is also different. 

As messed as this sounds, you sort of have to treat the sex worker as a flesh light and mentally imagine you're using a pocket pussy. Atleast thats what got me over the hump years and years ago. Now it just feels natural? 

Agreed -- when I'm not feeling it, I have to play my favorite xxx movie scenes in my head 😞

[atmlover9]

Just wanted to post an update on this, in case anyone is dealing with a similar issue. About 1.5 months ago I successfully managed to stop masturbating, first I was going to do just for a few days until I got with a girl, but due to some hard overthinking / anxiety it actually took me this long to invite a freelancer to my apartment. Having some basic conversation with the girl received a lot of the stress, and once I got inside her, all my sexual anxiety was gone, it felt "normal" for the first time in my life and I came after a few minutes. Worth nothing that I wasn't that attracted to the women, she was average looking and older than me, I just decided to focus on the sensations and it was all I needed. Death Grip Syndrome has been defeated.   

[itsme]

34 minutes ago, atmlover9 said:

Just wanted to post an update on this, in case anyone is dealing with a similar issue. About 1.5 months ago I successfully managed to stop masturbating, first I was going to do just for a few days until I got with a girl, but due to some hard overthinking / anxiety it actually took me this long to invite a freelancer to my apartment. Having some basic conversation with the girl received a lot of the stress, and once I got inside her, all my sexual anxiety was gone, it felt "normal" for the first time in my life and I came after a few minutes. Worth nothing that I wasn't that attracted to the women, she was average looking and older than me, I just decided to focus on the sensations and it was all I needed. Death Grip Syndrome has been defeated.   

Good job! Now that you've gotten over that hump it'll only get better from here. 

While I continue to have no moral objection to porn, after nearly 30 years of use I've come to the conclusion that it's pretty much the most detrimental thing imaginable to male sexual performance. Cutting it out has made a dramatic improvement in my sex life.